Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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