You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
