This is not my ceiling
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
