just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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