THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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