I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
