what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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