i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
false alarm, still single
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