My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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