If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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