She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
