Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
