So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I will be naked everywhere
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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