No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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