Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
