OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize