wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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