meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
