you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
