New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
