I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm both gender and math confused
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
