Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
