The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
being pregnant is like rehab
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
