EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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