dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
