I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
