Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
