I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
