My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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