Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
