i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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