Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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