I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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