3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
