Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
