I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
