One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
