I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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