Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
