well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
