Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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