Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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