I was born with a shot glass in my hand
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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