where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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