I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
