I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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