I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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