im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
