You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
