Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
