we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
did you just send me my own nude
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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