I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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