Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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