did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
