You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize