Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
