His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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