she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
