I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
