I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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