I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
