he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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