piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
