Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
