My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
