Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
