Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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